she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
