my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
