If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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