be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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