I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
