Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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