he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
