My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
birth control should be required to get into college
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
there is glitter all over my balls
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