Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
