if you like me you must not know who I am
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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