Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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