Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
