Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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