if you like me you must not know who I am
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
