I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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