so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
