i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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