My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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