I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
