dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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