More tranny stories later!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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