roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
