and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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