Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
