I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She said her name was "party"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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