how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
