but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
