Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
