Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
