that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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