i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
