Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
