My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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