Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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