dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He shit in the fireplace
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
