Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
