I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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