I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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