Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
