PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I die, sorry about rent.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
