i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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