Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
