I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
