i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
