Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
