She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
