I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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