Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You are a genius and a whore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
