i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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