i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't deserve a penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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