break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
