She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
