I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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