I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
