she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
